Let Me Find.

 

In the search of satisfaction I think I lost my happiness,

and the essence of purity

committing more mistakes than corrections,

Losing a day Now,

And Lost a Day yesterday,

And Also lost many more days before yesterday.

These are preciously important Days of my life.

What’s Wrong?

Where I am?

What I am doing?

Why I am doing?

Don’t know

Don’t have any clue.

I am Lost,

I have more flaws now,

Yes  Not Appropriate,

And also weirdly imperfect

But

How to stop ,

How to fightback

Tell me

I need your help

I really need your help.

To fix things back,

To Swipe out the dirt,

To Find the same space,

 

And Vibe

Let me find,

The same Person Again

Always smiling and always shinning.

 

To You With Love…

To You With Love,

Thank you for being there as someone who looked like a family more, being a stranger from day one,

Thank You for the lovely moments with which I could smile back again. Even if i see them as a mistaken excitement or as an unreal expectation,

I still like the answers you gave and the questions which were inherent, the answers were more easier to understand than self raised questions,

Looking something for some purpose is not good, but looking something as source of satisfaction is not bad,

Yes you have been a source,

A source to do good, and aspire good things in life,

You have been the source of fun , anger, worries, happiness and of course inspiration.

Rather say a source of liveliness

Sometimes it is not that easy to accept the outcome if it is not favouring your life ,

It’s painful and disheartening to withstand with what we Haven’t expected.

But we can’t have everything what we want in life .

---

Living it and Leaving it.

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There After a Decade..

Okay ,Good Evening Guys !

so I visited the same place. Same temple and clicked the photograph with the same pose. Which and where I was exactly 10 long years ago,
this time to celebrate the 5th birthday of my niece, Janvi.

But now, it has been me and only my family not the one who was with us 10 years ago with unofficial permission.

Like everyone says time flies.
I accept it. Time flies and the situations do change.
Smile remains there but question is about the genuineness of it.

It was not easy to do but did to show to the world and the people around that everything is fine to me now. And I am above such sentiments.

Deep down, silently my heart being the usual human heart was pumping at a speed more than the usual sprint of a horse.

I  Asked to click images randomly so that I could have the best one in the gallery.
But not even a single PIC was good to have. As the smile was fake and my eyes where not ready to face camera, may be heart was not liking it and the face was not supporting my forced Instincts.

Everything there was same to same and I recalled every single moment of mine there a decade ago.
Be it roaming everywhere around there with wheels on my legs, playing stupid pass time games or even captivating energy for some useful work and some how bringing out that WE moments in between.

The roads,The people, the ambiance, the staying rooms, the Temple and of course the God.

Yes I have been a teenager by then and very very care free monk.,with some good etiquettes which I still have,by being real and raw sometimes at heart.

But this time. I have been quite silent  matured rather say changed version of mine,
silently observing everything what was there then and now, also my little eyes went for some tearful ride as well when was alone as I have been mostly by being with many with a reason and with a purpose more personal.
10years ago, never thought about this visit nor the circumstances I am around with, never felt that I have to face such realities in love with hate and cheat.

Forget about it.

I really feel that it has been heavy on my heart at that moment but when I rethink about the same I feel good about it. That overcame my very own created barrier. And surpassed this hurdle.

Anyways ,
Happy Birthday Janvi(Niece).

---

Thank you

At a coffee shop…

After a long day,

Me at a coffee shop with a coffee on my table.. and literally no one to accompany me.. Looking everyone with a story in mind about their conversations..

In between this, just swallowed the unbearable coffee sips..

And my vulnerable eyes started looking at everyone and everywhere..

Then I saw a table where three girls were sitting and gossiping about something with shouts, giggles and laughter..

I just changed my seat.. And sat next to their table so that I could listen what they were talking about..

Ok so now they were audible..

As I raised my listening skills by few more decibels..

So the coffee was quite entertaining now, and I asked one more to look engaged to the waiters.

These girls were clapping and doing high fives in between them.

The three girls were talking about their respected boyfriends, and how they have been pampered ..

actually they were saying that , they literally play as per their will with the boys.. Be it a movie going or some expensive purchasing.

They compared who is better among the three and how they are planning more expenditure from their boyfriends. As Diwali is on the cards now,

I was actually liking this, as it is something new to know..that everything is as per planning and plotting.

In between this they have realized that I am listening their talks..or observing them.. They may have thought that I am interested in one of them..

So they actually started looking at me with a smile..which was even more hilarious.

One of them has loosened her hair and started swinging her hair with a confident swag ..

And looked at me with even more nuances .. With fixing her messy Red t-shirt near her waist.

And looked at me for while trying to say Hey or Hello, with a smile filled with fakeness,

I just turned my eyes and shakedown my head.

She along with her friends left the place

Reasons better know to them.

But yes she had her flair.. 🙂

And I turned off the signals and shifted focus on the right hind side of the table,

Where I saw An lady around 85years was there with a kid may be her grand daughter..

She was in a state of confusion as she don’t know what to order and how,

Then a suspicious man with a very suspicious look came , could be her servant or a known fellow..

Even he was unsure about the things so , I helped them to make their order

He came and asked me to click a picture of him showing his Rudraksh and also asked my name,by saying I will be helpful to you sir, I am the one to whom you pray daily.

I said, look I am helping just for the sake of kid and the lady ,not for being asked for clicking your PIC.

He said ok sir, and obliged for the help in placing order,

He was a bit different from normal, like mentally instable and heavy in voice, his actions were strange, though they enjoyed their coffee.

but I still don’t why he asked me to click his picture though I deleted it.

Then i recived a call from my home,left the place.

Thank you

***P.S – I wrote this post by being at the coffee place.

Prince Charming!!

Oh the thick big glasses on my eyes don’t look good to the girls,

They say I look like an uncle..

Oh the dark skin tone of mine don’t attract to the girls ,

They say, they can’t even see me sometimes..

Oh the lean and thin body of mine , more like a Skelton , don’t get appreciated by girls..

They say , They want muscular guys..

They want Prince charming but with more the looks of the Prince ..

That’s it !!

Do I look like a Prince ? ,

Yes of course ..

But to me, and to my mother and sometimes in my mirror…

They all want someone with good physique, and handsome looks..

They treat me like a tree, as they don’t even notice when I stare at them.

They laugh at my walk, also at my talk.

They make fun of my clothes .

They are good in fact better than good..

But they should treat me at least a human..

Human with all the feelings, and flaws..

The Real Prince doesn’t require all the attributes , to get liked they get liked for being what they are.

Oh they don’t even know that Thin, Lean, Fat, Short, Tall,Dark,Ugly, or weird are not what we can demand but yes we can diminish these tiny things of appearance with our nature , character and humanity.

And The Real Prince is always about character, Humanity, Humbleness etc. Hope they learn before falling and failing in life..

#BeTheRealPrince

P.S : Just A Random Writeup.

Even I accepted their lies.

They asked me few things about an issue, actually they wanted me to answer it either in a spicy way or they wanted to put me in some troublesome state,

I smilingly said why you people are asking me this.? Don’t you believe their stated truths, Or you feel that I need to say my version.

They said we want to know your side.

I replied, There is no my side or their side, there is truth and their false.

So you have to see what you take from their talks,

We don’t believe them, they said.

I answered I believe them, as I don’t care about anything now , I have nothing to loose. And they may be putting the right things forward, I don’t know what they are saying though, but even I accepted their lies, I can’t do much either.

As even don’t know the real truth. And I have nothing to do with the truth now, as they did what they wanted to, and the damage couldn’t be recovered ever, but yes they have been good in chopping and presenting things in their suited way.

But, I don’t have any interest in giving justification to anyone, or to put my side on the issue. As I am not here to prove Anything to anyone, I know my side I am right by best of thoughts, and deep down they also know what is right and what is not right, who is culprit and who is not, and above all there is someone who knows everything and he is looking at everything, to whom we call Almighty, The God,

Moreover I heard that, they are too good and the world is too bad ,and I am too bad and the world is too bad , as per the talks what I came to know from the people in between me and them.

Anyways We all are going to pay for the deeds we do , if not today then tomorrow for sure.

if you are good you will receive good things from god , if bad then you have to be ready for the outcome, you can’t get away from your punishments.

So , I don’t care what they are saying as I am only answerable to the god , but in my case it’s God who has to answer me, as he may don’t have any question and I have many to ask him. And it would start from Why me? ?

I hope i will get the answer,!!!

Anyways you are free to think and consider me anything you want as liberty is there for everyone.

But my identity is best known to me and god. Likewise truth is better known to God , culprit and victim.

But if they say I am culprit , then yes I am culprit . nothing to objectify or even feel bad. As they are not the decision makers . so why to think or care about it.

Then they smiled and said you said nothing in particular but said everything.

And I smiled back.

Thank you for reading.

They say…..

They say I am too good for this,

And they say I am too bad to be here,

they say you may think that way or even this way,

they say you can’t do this,

And they say only you can do this ,

they say you may have think so, And they say you may have thought that,

they say you have mood swings,

Also, they say you have overconfidence,and rash attitude,

they say you can’t do much,

As you are sick with your actions,

Also you are carefree,Negligent and over rated.

Wait,

How do they say so, ?

Do they have any clue about me?

how could be they saying so,

how they can be presuming about my mind, and heart, ?

how they are so judgemental!

And why?

Who are they to think that I may think or may have thought so,

Why they consider me so...?

What gives them that courage to be so considerable about me.

Literally What ???

Look & Listen

I am not like what you presume or consider ,

I am just way beyond your imaginations.

I love being Me,

I won’t mind if you think I have attitude or I am carefree.

I have something about which you can only dream to have.

And that’s my originality I am not fake,

I am Rude ,or care free.

I have my head high for everything I do.

And I don’t need a certificate for being selfless from you.

I am not this or that,

I don’t think this way or that way,

I am Too Good for your mind to pick or presume.

And it’s only me who know it better that what I can do and what I can’t, Got it .

Take care!

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**Don’t be Judgemental about anyone, as they know themselves better.