Searching Me….

I Am In The shadows,

Some Dark ,Some Light

Sometimes this Way , Sometimes the Other Way,

Where I am ?

No, Not there In the Home,

Not Even Around The trees And Mountains,

I am Floating With water

Swinging in Air.

Sinking In Nights ,

And Soaking in Days,

There with some clouds ,

Or behind the smoke,

With some stars ,

Or within the sun rays.

Hey , Where I am ?

I am searching Me

Yes I am searching Me.

Let Me Find.

 

In the search of satisfaction I think I lost my happiness,

and the essence of purity

committing more mistakes than corrections,

Losing a day Now,

And Lost a Day yesterday,

And Also lost many more days before yesterday.

These are preciously important Days of my life.

What’s Wrong?

Where I am?

What I am doing?

Why I am doing?

Don’t know

Don’t have any clue.

I am Lost,

I have more flaws now,

Yes  Not Appropriate,

And also weirdly imperfect

But

How to stop ,

How to fightback

Tell me

I need your help

I really need your help.

To fix things back,

To Swipe out the dirt,

To Find the same space,

 

And Vibe

Let me find,

The same Person Again

Always smiling and always shinning.

 

Please Don’t Read !

Please Don’t Read,

Don’t Read it Please,

It’s Not Good,

Not Good for Anyone.

You may feel bad.

You may curse love.

You may hate god,

You may start crying,

Because It’s filled with Pain.

And Decorated with cheat.

It is layered with Greed,

And poured with selfishness.

You may find Questions ,

But You can’t find The Answers.

And You may need some Fresh Air to breathe,

it’s really very Toxic.

It’s terrible for your heart and also for mind.

You may Not love .

You may never trust .

You may hate the Emotions .

Yes it is Negative.

Please Don’t Read,

Yes Please,

I Request You My Friend,

Don’t Read My Story,

Please Don’t Read My Story.

To You With Love…

To You With Love,

Thank you for being there as someone who looked like a family more, being a stranger from day one,

Thank You for the lovely moments with which I could smile back again. Even if i see them as a mistaken excitement or as an unreal expectation,

I still like the answers you gave and the questions which were inherent, the answers were more easier to understand than self raised questions,

Looking something for some purpose is not good, but looking something as source of satisfaction is not bad,

Yes you have been a source,

A source to do good, and aspire good things in life,

You have been the source of fun , anger, worries, happiness and of course inspiration.

Rather say a source of liveliness

Sometimes it is not that easy to accept the outcome if it is not favouring your life ,

It’s painful and disheartening to withstand with what we Haven’t expected.

But we can’t have everything what we want in life .

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Living it and Leaving it.

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There After a Decade..

Okay ,Good Evening Guys !

so I visited the same place. Same temple and clicked the photograph with the same pose. Which and where I was exactly 10 long years ago,
this time to celebrate the 5th birthday of my niece, Janvi.

But now, it has been me and only my family not the one who was with us 10 years ago with unofficial permission.

Like everyone says time flies.
I accept it. Time flies and the situations do change.
Smile remains there but question is about the genuineness of it.

It was not easy to do but did to show to the world and the people around that everything is fine to me now. And I am above such sentiments.

Deep down, silently my heart being the usual human heart was pumping at a speed more than the usual sprint of a horse.

I  Asked to click images randomly so that I could have the best one in the gallery.
But not even a single PIC was good to have. As the smile was fake and my eyes where not ready to face camera, may be heart was not liking it and the face was not supporting my forced Instincts.

Everything there was same to same and I recalled every single moment of mine there a decade ago.
Be it roaming everywhere around there with wheels on my legs, playing stupid pass time games or even captivating energy for some useful work and some how bringing out that WE moments in between.

The roads,The people, the ambiance, the staying rooms, the Temple and of course the God.

Yes I have been a teenager by then and very very care free monk.,with some good etiquettes which I still have,by being real and raw sometimes at heart.

But this time. I have been quite silent  matured rather say changed version of mine,
silently observing everything what was there then and now, also my little eyes went for some tearful ride as well when was alone as I have been mostly by being with many with a reason and with a purpose more personal.
10years ago, never thought about this visit nor the circumstances I am around with, never felt that I have to face such realities in love with hate and cheat.

Forget about it.

I really feel that it has been heavy on my heart at that moment but when I rethink about the same I feel good about it. That overcame my very own created barrier. And surpassed this hurdle.

Anyways ,
Happy Birthday Janvi(Niece).

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Thank you