At a coffee shop…

After a long day,

Me at a coffee shop with a coffee on my table.. and literally no one to accompany me.. Looking everyone with a story in mind about their conversations..

In between this, just swallowed the unbearable coffee sips..

And my vulnerable eyes started looking at everyone and everywhere..

Then I saw a table where three girls were sitting and gossiping about something with shouts, giggles and laughter..

I just changed my seat.. And sat next to their table so that I could listen what they were talking about..

Ok so now they were audible..

As I raised my listening skills by few more decibels..

So the coffee was quite entertaining now, and I asked one more to look engaged to the waiters.

These girls were clapping and doing high fives in between them.

The three girls were talking about their respected boyfriends, and how they have been pampered ..

actually they were saying that , they literally play as per their will with the boys.. Be it a movie going or some expensive purchasing.

They compared who is better among the three and how they are planning more expenditure from their boyfriends. As Diwali is on the cards now,

I was actually liking this, as it is something new to know..that everything is as per planning and plotting.

In between this they have realized that I am listening their talks..or observing them.. They may have thought that I am interested in one of them..

So they actually started looking at me with a smile..which was even more hilarious.

One of them has loosened her hair and started swinging her hair with a confident swag ..

And looked at me with even more nuances .. With fixing her messy Red t-shirt near her waist.

And looked at me for while trying to say Hey or Hello, with a smile filled with fakeness,

I just turned my eyes and shakedown my head.

She along with her friends left the place

Reasons better know to them.

But yes she had her flair.. 🙂

And I turned off the signals and shifted focus on the right hind side of the table,

Where I saw An lady around 85years was there with a kid may be her grand daughter..

She was in a state of confusion as she don’t know what to order and how,

Then a suspicious man with a very suspicious look came , could be her servant or a known fellow..

Even he was unsure about the things so , I helped them to make their order

He came and asked me to click a picture of him showing his Rudraksh and also asked my name,by saying I will be helpful to you sir, I am the one to whom you pray daily.

I said, look I am helping just for the sake of kid and the lady ,not for being asked for clicking your PIC.

He said ok sir, and obliged for the help in placing order,

He was a bit different from normal, like mentally instable and heavy in voice, his actions were strange, though they enjoyed their coffee.

but I still don’t why he asked me to click his picture though I deleted it.

Then i recived a call from my home,left the place.

Thank you

***P.S – I wrote this post by being at the coffee place.

Pray for me.

It is nervousness or anxiety , I don’t know….

but it is something which is hitting my heart and mind,

I think my heart is not willing to accept myself as a failure and somehow my mind has came to a conclusion of compensatory happiness.

Being amongst the losers with some reasons, explanations , and of course few excuses has been the story so far,

Loosing without a trial with lot of distractions and few strong barriers are something with which I am dealing from years,

LOSER, is a big tag.

And I think I am accepting it somewhere in my heart with sadness, its not that I never had the ingredients to conquer, but it has been somehow my negligence with some hard lucks, obligations and poor decisions.

Yes it has affected me, my dreams, my aspirations, my happiness and my searching satisfaction.

I am good at this and that but not enough stabilized to put it for some productive outcome ,

Outcome in context of success, And successful satisfaction.

I hate the confusion, hate that a lot as it ruined me, still I feel a compensatory choice I preferred for sustainment.

As sustainment is an important thing I dared to avoid it once and paid the price for that dare,

so may be I am not good at dreaming or my dreams are just dreams I should not try to feel and live it, I figured out.

Yes it is saddens you at your heart , and you start questioning your own life,

like may be god has made me for this and not that and I am trying to hard to go beyond god’s decision.

Anyways I Still feel sad when people come and say you have been so good ,

you could have done this and that with ease, you should have been there we always felt that you are something different and thought you to be at some high to look,

we still have high expectations,

you can still start and deliver with ease, you have the spark , you just have to focus and focus at like everything, we still have high expectations from you.

And listening all that makes me feel so bad for being so unjustified to their expectations,

it feels good to have high expectations but it breaks you into pieces when they themselves say you spoiled it man with your own, and failed and you are a loser!

And then our mind and heart have some serious sadness with which we may not cope up.

As it takes us to negativeness, when you start comparing yourself with your expectations and with your contemporaries. And you find yourself now where.

You actually fail when you question your self or start thinking more than you should.

But having being said that,

I think life gives you chances to bounce back and roll it like a boss,

I am still seeking and trying to find out that one chance to make it appropriate with my life and the people around it.

I hope god has left one more good thing to share and hopefully I would accept it without any blunders this time.

Pray for me.

Thank you

Confusion or Laziness?

Good Noon People,

Well I am in a state of confusion, or I am actually delaying it because of my laziness I don’t know, but seriously would like to know your suggestions or clarity about the situation.

And the situation is so silly that you may laugh on me. OK let me reveal what it is .

Actually my hair has grown a bit more than my usual expectations as I avoided this Sunday after Sunday, and so on, and my parents , my colleagues and my seniors are against it, few of them like a lot though, few pass some comment like ‘Lo Model Agya ‘ , ‘ Desi John Abraham ‘etc etc ,few see me with a weird look , few say slightly Dude you are professional engineer ,

And I am like Yes I know.

But as I took leave today due to some health issues, my mother is like go cut your hair otherwise you have to sleep outside today etc etcetera.

Now, I am very much confused of it as I like my hair but also when it is messy I feel I should chop it, also I feel like OK I can cut it next week or tomorrow, I don’t want to cut or I want to cut but I am lazy enough to avoid it, I don’t Know.

By the way I don’t even shave for months right from college days.

I think more percentage of boys especially engineers are like me, they like to live untamed, wild and laziness…. or I am the special case.

Anyways , Drop your opinions about this seriously silly issue, and yes I posed for this pic 2weeks ago.

I Love You My Enemy.

Yes I love my enemy.

As they make me think twice. So that I could make less mistakes.

He/she is the reason for my continues cautiousness.

I can feel the pressure of being questioned every time I Sit/ stand.

I have to match up with all the demands they do.

Sometimes I answer them even before they ask.

Sometimes they Win.

Sometimes they have to loose.

But yes they are the reason for my every dedicated work.

Yes it is annoying but I like the counterparts.

As it is not healthy to run without a competitor in a race.

I love you my enemy as you have been so keen to put all efforts to watch my work,Sometimes even my well wishers fail to do this..

I love that focus and intensity.

Yes it encourages me to do good and even better , and to learn.

Thank you my enemy for being my biggest strength and motivation.

Yes I do get strengthened by every cheap and silly things you do to make me fall.

I don’t fall, I just smile and continue the process..

I love you my enemy. As you teach me a lot without any investment.

Thank you.

LEAVE THEM!

Don’t need to think much about them..

As you can’t do anything about it.

Yes they will be like this only..

They will do what they want to do..

They are not going to think anything about you..

Its fun for them..

Just Focus on the Proceedings..

Don’t need to think much ..

Don’t need to feel bad..

Just Look with a smile towards them..

And Leave Them!

Just Leave them..

#society

#negativity

#perceptions